Gift Ideas

Overview

We debated whether or not to have an entry for this subject but in the end, decided to offer up some ideas. We humans are not a “goodbye” species. We don’t like when we have to do it and whether it’s a family member, a friend, a cherished pet or, in some cases, a famous personality, when someone is no longer with us it can be hard to know what to do. It’s an intimidating situation as we all like to “fix” things when they’re going badly. In this case, you can’t fix anything, but what you can do is show your support.
Everyone responds to grief differently. We encourage you to find a reputable site that talks about how you can help your friends and family through rough times. Keep in mind there is no “one size fits all” solution here. You know the situation better than anyone on the internet, so go with your gut. Although everyone worries about saying or doing the wrong thing, in most cases, just trying to help will mean the world to your friend or family member.

General advice:
- Saying “if there’s anything I can do, let me know” is a nice sentiment, but often people won’t ask for help unless you get more specific. Offer to pick up their groceries next week, watch the kids next Saturday night or mow their lawn on Tuesdays for the next month.
- Giving a gift when someone dies is optional. Don’t feel obligated to do so. By far the most important priority is to acknowledge the bereaved’s loss and let them know you’re there for support.
- If you were close to the deceased but don’t really know their family members, etiquette suggests you send the gift to the closest relative and mention how you’re connected.
- Something to keep in mind is what the departed meant to those left behind. If you’re considering some sort of gift or item of remembrance you could get something in line with the influence the individual had in their life:
  - Companionship, e.g. a life partner or pet. The gift could include spending time with the person.
  - Role model, e.g. a parent, mentor or famous person. The gift could somehow support their favorite cause.
  - Breadwinner, e.g. the person who supported the family. A gift of food or services.
  - Guidance, e.g. patriarch or matriarch. Even offering your support could go a long way.
  - Confidante, e.g. friend, close aunt, pet. You could provide them with a picture of the departed so they could still talk to them.
Gift options:
- Flowers
  - Bouquets. Opinions on whether or not to give cut flowers are varied. Some will argue that they are just another item that will wither in front of the bereaved while others feel they are an integral and very appreciated part of the process. Other pros include the fact that they brighten up the funeral and aren’t a long-term gift that someone has to find a place for in their home.
  - Potted flowers/plants. While this option will live much longer than cut flowers, consider whether or not your giftee has room in their house for them.
  - Seeds. These are a great option as the resulting flowers will last longer than any cut flowers will. On top of that, they can be planted when and where it’s most convenient for your giftee.
Donations/dedications
- As these gifts don’t necessarily require any space and show that you’re thinking about the deceased, they’re an excellent choice.
  - Plant a tree as a living memorial in your backyard, in a local park (with permission) or donate to where it’s needed most. Another option is to plant a tree with the cremated ashes using a biodegradable urn and a sapling. You can find out more information about this online.
  - Dedicate a bench or picnic table.
  - Donate to a charity. Often the family will designate a preferred charity but if you aren’t given guidance, give some thought to what the deceased would have wanted (eg: sports for kids, literacy, performing arts, environmental, wildlife, safe drinking water…).
  - Honour the deceased by naming a star after them.
  - Participate in a charity walk, run, bicycle or motorbike ride in honour of the departed (eg: multiple sclerosis, Alzheimer’s, mental health, kidney disease…)
Food
- Before preparing any food, make sure you take religious preferences (eg: kosher), allergies and intolerances into account.
  - Home-made options:
    - Making something yourself shows it came from the heart and meals can be very helpful and appreciated during the grieving period.
    - Be mindful that the bereaved may be inundated initially with food from loved ones. Take the reins on organizing a schedule with a bunch of people so the food is delivered steadily, not all at once.
    - Freeze some ready-made cookie dough instead of bringing by a batch of already baked cookies. That way they can have fresh baked cookies anytime they want.
  - Professionally made options:
    - Freshly prepared meal delivery. A quick online search should give you great options in your giftee’s neighborhood.
    - Restaurant gift card. Pick their favourite restaurant or something close by.
    - Groceries
    - You can offer to pick up groceries or simply purchase a grocery gift card to help cover the costs of hosting extra guests in the weeks to come.
Home & lawn care
- You can offer to tidy up yourself but be aware that sometimes people can be quite self-conscious about the state of their house. They may prefer a professional service over having it done by a friend. If you go with a professional service, take the reins on getting the date set up.
- Mow their lawn or get a lawn care service on board
Childcare
- Babysit for an evening or have the kids over to your place for a sleepover
- Pick up the kids from school for the next week
Pet care
- Don’t forget about pets. They grieve too!
- Offer to take the dog on their daily walk for a few days.
Work-related
- Check with your HR dept to see if you can work a day in lieu for them if they’re a co-worker.
Spending time with your giftee
- Getting outside the house and spending time with friends or family can do wonders for someone who’s dealing with grief. A few suggestions:
  - Go for coffee
  - Do some yoga in the park
  - Go to a hockey game together
  - Watch a movie or go out to see one.
  - Spend a night at a hotel nearby
  - Pamper yourselves with a massage, manicure or pedicure
- For more ideas around stress relief check out our Rest & Relaxation theme
Cherish memories
- Print out or send a digital photo that the family may not have of their loved one. Personalize it with a great memory you have of the deceased in general or of that moment specifically. If you’re framing the photo, consider having it engraved as well.
- Have a memorial garden stone made
- Give your giftee a candle and suggest that when they light it, they think of the departed.
- Use their favourite shirts to make a quilt (you can find companies to do this online).
- Do something creative with the ashes, something that the departed would have loved. There may be a lot more options than you thought. We were surprised to find a multitude of creative ideas online including sending them into space, using the ashes to help make an environmentally friendly artificial reef, or incorporate them into items like diamonds, fireworks, hand blown glass, vinyl records or even tattoos!
- Convert a favourite photo to a painting.
The little things
- In the weeks after a funeral, family members may feel overwhelmed hosting guests and writing thank you notes. With this in mind, they may really appreciate simple but overlooked gifts like:
  - Postage stamps
  - Fine stationery, envelopes
  - Coffee, creamer, sugar
  - Napkins, paper towel, toilet paper
Still not sure what to do?
- Simple cash can be very appreciated as there may be outstanding funeral expenses that need to be paid. Be discreet when giving gifts like money (eg: enclose it in a card).
Have a suggestion for an idea we haven’t covered here? Let us know and we’ll try to add it onto the list.

Wrapping

In the case of sympathy gifts, it’s best to keep things simple and tasteful.
Try wrapping your gift with plain paper and having your kids draw a picture on it or write a simple message like: “I’ll miss you Grandpa”.
Tie a small item into the ribbon around the gift (eg: a flower).
For smaller gifts, add a unique touch by making your own box.

Presentation

Use quotes or phrases that relate to your theme when you present the gifts or in your card. An online search of “what to say on a sympathy card” will give you a lot of options but here are a few examples:
- You can always keep things simple with sentiments like:
  - I’m so sorry to hear about your loss
  - My heart goes out to you and your family
  - In deepest sympathy
  - With heartfelt condolences
  - Wishing you comfort and peace
  - Keeping you in my thoughts
  - My heart is with you in this time of sorrow
  - With love and remembrance
- Using quotes can sometimes communicate your sentiments in an eloquent way:
  - “Some people come into our lives, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never the same.” ~Franz Schubert
  - “The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched, but just felt in the heart” ~Helen Keller
  - “To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die” ~Thomas Campbell
- Or you can try to make it more personal with details:
  - Mention a great memory about the deceased (eg: that time he took us fishing).
  - Talk about the things you liked best about them (eg: her laugh always lit up the whole room).